How Sobriety Changed My Life as a Wife and Mother with Payal Desai

In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I welcome Payal Desai, a fashion influencer on Instagram and mother of two.

Have you always loved fashion design?

Payal: I’ve always wanted to be one, but my parents told me it wouldn’t pay the bills. I was encouraged to choose a more traditional path. I’m glad I could integrate fashion into my life, because I was always the go-to person in my family for fashion advice.

How does it feel to be in the generation where we’re finally leaving behind traditional mindsets toward what we “ought” to do for a career and becoming open to pursuing whatever is in our heart?

Payal: As a parent, I totally feel that. Half of me wants to tell my kids to chase their dreams with reckless abandon. At the same time, real life kicks in and logic says we need a backup plan. I’ve decided to take it one step at a time and let those passions unfold all the while.

A lot of people go looking for confidence, waiting for something to happen in their life that motivates them to chase their dreams. What has happened in your life that gave you more self-belief and confidence?

Payal: 100% removing alcohol from my life. That was a very deliberate decision on my part. Pre-pandemic I had my second son. That double-whammy of newness and the stress that came with it made me dependent on alcohol as the months went by. Since college, I’ve always struggled with setting a limit for myself. I was really beginning to feel postpartum depression symptoms. I wasn’t diagnosed with it, but I wasn’t myself. I didn’t like the decisions I made nor my reactions. I constantly snapped at my husband and son. I’d never dealt with anything like that before. My sisters encouraged me to talk to a therapist, who helped me single out the fact that my husband and I drank together a lot. That was the one big thing we had in common in those days.

What has been the most difficult part of giving up alcohol?

Payal: Initially, I didn’t find myself in a lot of social situations in that first year, which I suppose is a benefit. In fact, I was able to connect with people who didn’t enjoy drinking. That helped. At the same time, I suffered the loss of a lot of relationships, particularly with those who made partying and drinking a lifestyle.

I feel that part of the journey of healing is the ability to forgive and have compassion for our past self. Have you forgiven yours?

Payal: Honestly, I don’t think I’m there yet. I want to get there, but my sobriety is still fresh. It’s only been a little over a year and a half. I have flashbacks of the past, and I don’t have love for that person yet. It’s work.

How has your sobriety changed you as a parent?

Payal: As a parent, I’m just so much more present. I also feel so much more capable. I had a lot of shame that I suppressed before when my husband had to pick up the slack because my drinking made me incapable of carrying out whatever I needed to do and be as a wife and mother. It made me feel inadequate in those roles. I had hangxiety. Today, I make decisions for my kids with a clear mind, and nothing gets in the way once I make them.

Why did you decide to become a fashion influencer on Instagram, and how the heck do you make time for it as a mother with a career on top of it all?

Payal: I started it about four years ago as a collaboration with a friend, then went solo soon after. Social media empowers us to share our story, and others who relate to that story will tune in. I had to embrace the fact that I wouldn’t be good at it at first—and I really did suck when I started. But over the years, I gained confidence.

Learn more about Payal Desai:

Follow her on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/payalforstyle/ 

Learn more about me and my coaching services:

Free coaching call with me: https://calendly.com/visashan/consultation-call-with-visa

Free resource:

10 Ways to Spark Your Self Love Journey

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