Sexuality & Sex: Lessons from my Sexual Transformation

In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I share my journey in exploring my sexuality. This certainly wasn’t an easy topic to cover, but my intuition led me to do just that because, honestly, I’m incredibly proud of how far I’ve come when it comes to my relationship with sex, pleasure, sensuality, and desire.

Sexual energy is lifeforce energy.

Sex can be such a taboo topic for the majority of us. I totally get it. Yet, if we stop to think about it, sex is something we all have in common. If it wasn’t for it, none of us would be here today. So, it’s time to own it!

Sexual energy is connected to your vitality, to your power center, to your creativity, and to your ability to tap into abundance.

We are wired to have sex.

This one’s obvious, and yet, the fact that we shy away from even speaking about sex shows that we’ve lost touch of this basic fact.

Sex and Mindset

Sex is more about how we think than what we do.

As a Southeast Asian woman, I never had sexual encounters growing up. There was shame attached to sex. You may have had a similar upbringing. You may have even experienced sexual trauma, which aggravates this feeling of shame.

Embracing your body

Another area you may feel shame around is your own body.

While having sex, so many women are distracted by their perceived flaws and attributes that “could be better”.

Sex is meant to be a sensual experience, which means that all five senses are involved. For most of us, though, sex is a heady experience. We think too much, and when we do that, we don’t get the most out of it.

This is so important that they could be telling you that you’re beautiful all day long, but unless you believe it yourself, then none of their praise really matters. If you feel shame around your own body, how do you expect to feel pleasure?

Here are a few ways to feel more grateful in your naked body:

• Take a good, long look in the mirror and appreciate every part of you.
• Be present with your body when you step out of the shower. Really take your time when you dry yourself off, when you apply lotion, when you pick out your clothes, and every other habitual step that you take for granted.
• Do things that make you feel good and confident and sensual. Don’t rely solely on your spouse to turn you on. Explore what brings pleasure to you. Run yourself a hot bath and savor every sensation. Let the steam hit your skin. Smell the soap. Massage your scalp.
• Be more deliberate when you touch your spouse. Get even more comfortable with each other than you already are. Hold hands more. Prolong your kisses. Have regular date nights if you don’t already set aside time for them. All of these will create greater emotional intimacy and a feeling of safety in the bedroom between the two of you.

Reconnect with your body.

So many of us are out of touch with our own body and, again, live in our head.

Incorporate daily rituals in your life that help you become more present in your body. One of my favorite practices is breathwork.

Learn how to use your voice.

If you want to communicate better in the bedroom, it’s important to feel safe, first and foremost. Set boundaries using your voice. Let your spouse know what you love, and where you draw the line.

We need to be willing to receive.

You only experience pleasure when you’re willing to receive. Likewise, you can only give pleasure if the other person is willing to receive.

You might be a Type-A personality like me—a perfectionist who is her own worst critic. I’ve always found it hard to receive compliments, support, and feedback. I always want to do things my way, by myself. If you’re like me, you’ve probably struggled with the belief that receiving equals a loss of control.

Free resource: 10 Ways to Spark Your Self Love Journey

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