Your Own Worst Enemy - Part Two

Understanding self-defeating behavior means first understanding yourself. A standard definition of the term "self-defeating" describes it this way:

"Unable to achieve the end it is designed to bring about."

Put in terms which are easier to understand, self-defeating simply means we are keeping ourselves from the goals we are setting. The problem with self-defeating behaviors is they keep us from living our life in the ways we are meant to. At an extreme level, they hold us back ultimately.

Just about anything can be a self-defeating behavior if it keeps you from your goals. We commonly consider things such as procrastination, perfectionism, and other similar traits as being self-defeating without realizing even a preoccupation with a hobby or something so simple as not being able to disconnect from work when you're at home can be just as damaging. It might help to think of a self-defeating behavior as a kind of distraction.

If these behaviors are so bad, why do we do them?

The route to most self-defeating behaviors lies in the past. They come out of our upbringing and from the people who mattered most to us who might not have always modeled the best behavior. The most common reason of all, however, can be found in our fears. Anytime we think we're not good enough, smart enough, or ready to face the change which will come about from realizing our goals, we will subconsciously hold ourselves back.

Let's look at a few of these behaviors in more detail to get a better idea of how they work.