What grooming looks like, and how to cope afterwards, with Emma Cantrell

*Trigger warning - episode contains references to sexual abuse.

Has your teenager been groomed? Or are you a young person experiencing grooming? In this episode Emma Cantrell talks about her experience of grooming at the age of 12 over a number of years.

What does grooming mean?

The NSPCC defines grooming as follows:

• Grooming is when someone builds a relationship, trust and emotional connection with a child or young person so they can manipulate, exploit and abuse them. Children and young people who are groomed can be sexually abused, exploited or trafficked. Anybody can be a groomer, no matter their age, gender or race.

What is grooming?

• Emma explains how grooming happened to her, and how it progressed to sexual abuse. Listen to the episode to hear how easily it can happen.

What is online grooming and should parents be worried?

Online grooming can be of great concern to parents, because it's often easier for a groomer's behaviour to go unnoticed. However it's important to remember that grooming happens in all kinds of situations, not just in an online arena.

If you're worried about screen time or social media apps, this episode with digital parenting coach Elizabeth is reassuring.

What are the signs of grooming?

As a parent it's natural to worry when your child begins a relationship that could lead to sexual activity, but sometimes it's the less obvious connections that need to be examined.

So how can parents spot the warning signs of grooming? Here are some of the signs of grooming behaviour you might like to keep in mind:

• being secretive about how they're spending their time, both online and offline
• having an older boyfriend or girlfriend
• suddenly having more money than usual, or new things like clothes and mobile phones that they can't or won't explain
• drinking or taking drugs
• spending more or less time online or on their devices.

What are the long term effects of grooming?

Emma explains in the episode how the long term effects of grooming affected her through her adult life. Listen to hear how it impacted her at university and beyond, including her development of an eating disorder, as well as issues with self-esteem.

Where to find help if you have experienced grooming

• The NSPCC has a really good page on grooming
• There's also a great page on Childline UK for questions children might have about what

Who is Emma Cantrell?

Emma Cantrell is a charity founder and CEO, accidental runner and passionate Do Gooder. She has raised over £3m for small charities and can be found talking passionately about poverty, politics and her steadfast belief in the fundamental good in people to whoever will listen. She lives in Berkshire with her two children, Joni and Wilbur. 

You can find out more about Emma here:

• First Days Children's Charity
• Twitter: @emmacantrell_
• Instagram: @emma_cantrell

More teenage parenting tips:

There are lots more episodes of the Teenage Kicks podcast. You can email me on [email protected]. I’ve also got some posts on the blog that might help parents with other teenage parenting dilemmas, so do pop over to Actually Mummy if you fancy a read.

Thank you so much for listening! Subscribe now to the Teenage Kicks podcast to hear all my new episodes. I'll be talking to some fabulous guests about difficult things that happened to them as teenagers - including losing a parent, becoming a young carer, and being hospitalised with mental health problems - and how they overcame things to move on with their lives.

You can also find more from me on parenting teenagers on Instagram and Twitter @iamhelenwills.

For information on your data privacy please visit Podcast.co.

Please note that I am not a medical expert, and nothing in the podcast should be taken as medical advice. If you're worried about a teenager, please seek support from a medical professional.