Ep 315: How to Negotiate Without Feeling Drained

Sean: Do you tackle when people do get emotional in a negotiation? For example, I know that there are times when I personally felt offended, when there are negotiation counterparts when I was starting up SEO-hacker, who would give me a super-duper low price and would try to just shove it down my throat, that I have to get that deal so that will make some, one person feel bad.

How do you usually respond when that happens?

Mark: Some people just take the classic hard-line, "I am going to beat you down and get the lowest possible price." Some like to use intimidation. You see this particularly if one party is just physically bigger, louder, comes off stronger, and they wanna intimidate the party. But we have to remember as business negotiators. Again, there are exceptions like these hostage negotiation cases, but for, I suspect most of the audience here, we're business negotiators, this is about a business deal.

And really whether that person is big or scary or loud or quiet, doesn't matter, it about does the deal work for us? And so don't be afraid first to walk away if it's not a good deal for you, but then also to recognize if you yourself are getting emotional. If they're trying these things to just tweak you to just put you in a state where you basically make a mistake because you are so emotional, it's okay to take a break.

It's okay to not respond to that email immediately or to say "let's come back to this tomorrow, or I just need to step out" or even "I need to go to the bathroom for just a few minutes, we can keep going," and just walk out, recognize you you're in that mental state. And then you can use calming techniques.

You can use techniques like my friend Olivia Fox Cabane has a great book called "The Charisma Myth." And there are techniques in there, for example, you just step out, go to the bathroom, whatever. When you're doing that, think about your loved ones. Think about your pet. Think about that childhood toy that made you happy.

And just in your mind envision this, and that's going to shift your mental state from being in that angry, emotional, ‘I have to fight back because that person said something very mean’, to I'm thinking of my childhood pet. I'm imagining playing with my dog. I'm relaxed. I'm happy. Okay. We have an issue on the table. I'm going to come back to it, but I can do so in a state where I don't have those emotions clouding my judgment.

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/leadershipstack

Join our community and ask questions here: from.sean.si/discord

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/leadershipstack